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The Wisdom of Winning and Losing
by Matt Kahn

In every moment of our lives, there seems to be two different versions of reality taking place. One, is the surface reality and it is where who you think yourself to be exists as the main character in the movie of your life. It is in this surface reality where you interact with the other characters, make choices, and advance your storyline.

Deeper than this surface reality, yet always existing within it, remains a spiritual reality. This reality remains peaceful and unmoved by the actions and reactions of the surface reality. It views the characters in the surface reality as various messengers delivering the wisdom of the spiritual reality, so the characters can learn exactly what each has been brought to learn in every scene of life's vivid movie.

It is from this spiritual reality where one might imagine the soul resides, with one's  lifetime serving as an interactive way for the soul to impart its wisdom to a world of characters. The characters we think we are, deliver soul wisdom to one another and reap the rewards by becoming more conscious. To become more conscious, is to realize what you are, underneath the surface of form, and beyond all thoughts and ideas.

At first, we grow up, becoming more conscious of a world around us, but then this consciousness expands to recognize the spiritual reality within all people, things, and circumstances. We begin to know ourselves to actually be the spiritual reality embodied as a character playing many roles with other characters, delivering its wisdom to humanity.

We realize what we are here to teach does not come from us, but is expressed through us, and in that same realization, births an understanding of what we can equally learn from the world around us. The surface reality is now seen as a playground, where the spiritual reality dresses in the costumes of all, as the characters and scenery in the movie of life, simply celebrating the all-knowing grace of spirit, itself.

I can remember many years ago, playing cards with a friend when I not only realized this deeper reality, but I was able to see it in action.

My friend and I were playing a game of five-card stud poker, and the rules were actually quite similar to life – you do the best with the hand you are dealt, and no matter what happens, there's no use in blaming yourself, or the deck.

I won hand after hand, not through any skill of mine, but by simply showing the cards I was dealt. Each time I won, I wasn't necessarily concerned with rubbing it in, or even celebrating. I was actually more preoccupied with noticing my friend lose interest in the game, and sink deeper into what losing must have meant to him.

A few more hands later, I remained undefeated, as my friend threw in the towel and gave up. I sat there, deep in contemplation, observing an extremely talented friend of mine suffering from the defeat of a simple card game.

"Must feel nice to win," he said. "Doesn't really matter to me," I responded. "It's a game and we all take turns winning and losing. Today it just so happened that it was my turn to win, and I did nothing but play the role of the winner. Today you happened to play the role of 'the loser.' We play these roles because of what each of us can learn from them. What we learn is transmitted as a depth of wisdom sent from a deeper spiritual reality that we deliver to each other through playing the game. In this way, we both win the game by allowing such wisdom to expand our state of consciousness," I offered.

My friend looked at me with his mouth open, not sure he had ever thought of winning and losing in this way, not sure he even knew what I was talking about, yet curious to know more.

We continued talking about this deeper meaning of winning and losing, and we both realized the hidden roles we had the chance to play. My friend came to understand how whenever we play the role of the one who seems to have lost the game, we are coming into contact with an opportunity to learn true humility.

Humility is what allows us to see ourselves equal to the world around us. If we are to truly empower ourselves as capable, successful, and meaningful vessels of spiritual expression, we realize the depth of greatness within ourselves, dwells in the space of all.

To focus on our individual importance and achievements is fine, but when our focus narrows to the point of excluding the greatness of others, we become immersed in self interest, as the greedy hunger for more can only lead to inevitable defeat. It's ironic how the one person you empower to win, is the first one to blame if you lose. To exist in a world humbled by how brilliant we all equally are, we must allow ourselves to graciously accept the role of losing, as it arises in a world of vivid and vast greatness.

If you focus on being burnt by losing, you miss the opportunity to honor the greatness in another. When we honor the greatness in another, we empower that person with the confidence and capability to do amazing things in the world that can only uplift and positively affect us all.

Losing is also an opportunity to expand our experience of unconditional love. At first glance, you might not see losing as a chance to widen your understanding of unconditional love because you may assume it means you must enjoy or even love losing. You can like, love, or even despise losing, but why pass up the opportunity to reach inward and love the one who lost?

Losing is a chance to deepen your relationship with YOU. When the relationship you have with yourself includes the unconditional love to embrace who you are, exactly as you are, no matter what the circumstances might be, a sense of wholeness fills your being with the focus becoming what you can offer the world, versus what you can take from it.

The role of the winner is offered as the opportunity to embrace and honor ourselves. As soon as winning occurs, life says without words, "It is now time to honor who you are. Take a moment, and more deeply than ever before, allow who you are to matter."

The role of the winner is also an opportunity to be generous and express appreciation to the opponent we think we've defeated.

However, one does not defeat another, but honors the role of the loser as the one who escorts the winner into the winning moment, where the honoring of self can begin. With expanded awareness, the winner can see the loser like a friend who holds their hand and guides them into a surprise party in their honor. As the celebration is taken in and received, the one playing the role of the winner, can share the rewards by honoring the one who lost.

Through these various roles, it is clear to see how winning and losing is not only the opportunity to deepen our relationship with ourselves, but to participate in uplifting and inspiring our beautiful world of interconnection. It is also clear that winning and losing is solely based on which role you can best learn from in any moment. When fully realized, this decision is made on the soul level of spiritual reality, and not the surface reality where characters play roles in the movie of life.

The purpose of winning and losing is to become conscious of the role you are playing. No matter whose turn it is to win or lose, we learn to be gracious and compassionate toward whomever we are playing with, as the true purpose of winning or losing unfolds.

Teach through the action of playing your role consciously, and allow the one you are playing with to see that losing comes at no loss at all, but the chance to love the one who only seems to be defeated. In the game of life, there are no real winners or losers. There are only opportunities to honor the effort one puts into every moment.

Sometimes in life we have days where we feel like a winner, and sometimes we feel like a loser. Yet, if we can understand the roles we are playing for the evolution of ourselves and the world around us, we might be more open to learning what is always here to be discovered.

It is the deeper wisdom of humility, unconditional love, and generosity that is delivered through each person into all moments from the spiritual reality. This spiritual reality embraces itself as infinite expressions of grace, disguised as characters we imagine ourselves to be, interacting in the movie of all lifetimes.

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